It is ironic that I’m writing this article, considering I don’t have a heartwarming story about lasting love. My husband and I got divorced after 16 years together, and to be honest, finding love wasn’t exactly on my radar for a while.
Deep down, I’ve always been a romantic. Maybe I was too idealistic and naive when I met my ex-husband. To me, love was supposed to be a certain way, and when things didn’t match my expectations, I focused on my kids and put the relationship on the back burner. After the divorce, I felt burned by love and ashamed of my naivety for thinking relationships could last forever.
About a year after my divorce, I found myself having the same dream every single night. I was 17, celebrating my grandparents’ 45th wedding anniversary. It’s amazing how clearly I remember every little detail: the beautiful green dress my grandma was wearing, the joyful smile on my grandfather’s face, the cozy smell of the peach cobbler, and the lovely fresh flowers blooming in the garden. That dream felt like the warmest hug in the world—a feeling of safety and happiness that I never wanted to end. It’s a memory I cherish so much. But why was I dreaming about it every night? What was my subconscious trying to tell me?
That’s when I realized that my understanding of love and relationships comes from my grandparents. Growing up in their home, I witnessed all the highs and lows, but as a child, I only remembered the wonderful moments and tended to romanticize it. I didn’t see all the sacrifices my grandparents made to reach that beautiful 45-year anniversary, celebrated with love and family. This was my sign that I was ready to find my true love. Maybe I won’t reach my 45th anniversary with a significant other, but I truly believe I will find a love that lasts.
Inspired by my grandparents’ journey together and guided by the mistakes I’ve made in my own marriage, I’ve compiled some of the best relationship advice I’ve gathered over the years. I hope these seven life lessons will inspire you as much as they’ve inspired me in my journey.
1. Be independent and stand firm on your own first
If you notice that your happiness depends quite a bit on constantly needing your partner’s validation and approval, consider taking some time to reconnect with your own inner strength. It’s completely natural to want to feel loved, admired, and included—those are core human desires everyone shares. But also keep in mind that leaning too heavily on external validation can sometimes have a negative outcome.
By embracing your individuality, you can gently boost your self-confidence and create a sense of stability within your relationship. This independence helps you keep nurturing your own interests, friendships, and goals, which is wonderful for personal growth. Remember, setting clear boundaries and recognizing your worth are key. They enable you to communicate openly and honestly with your partner, strengthening your connection.
When you’re secure in your own identity, you can bring positivity to the relationship without sacrificing who you are. Plus, independence fosters mutual respect and support, allowing both partners to flourish as individuals while growing together.
2. Maintain a solid foundation of mutual acceptance
At its core, acceptance is about two people agreeing to see things differently and being totally fine with it. It’s not the disagreements themselves that ruin relationships, but rather how people handle their differences that really matters.
When partners embrace each other exactly as they are, it fosters a safe and warm environment where both can genuinely be themselves. When we’re open to accepting others, it creates a space for honest and genuine conversations about our emotions and worries, making it easier to form a strong connection.
Some couples spend years trying to change each other’s minds, but often, it’s impossible because many disagreements stem from deep differences in how they see the world and themselves. Arguing over these core differences wastes time and strains the relationship further.
By embracing what makes each person special, you build a connection based on trust and respect. Ultimately, mutual understanding and acceptance deepen love and appreciation, making both feel valued and supported, essential elements for a happy, long-lasting relationship.
3. Be intentional and fully present when communicating
Remember, your partner can’t read your mind, so it’s really helpful to share your thoughts openly. Providing them with the information they need builds understanding between you, rather than expecting them to guess. The more we hold back words, the more chances there are for misunderstandings to happen. So, let’s make an effort to communicate clearly and kindly, without expecting each other to read minds. After all, many relationship issues, big or small, often start from a simple lack of good communication.
When you spend time with your partner, really focus on what they are saying without getting distracted. This shows you care about their thoughts and feelings, helping you build a deeper emotional bond. Asking open-ended questions encourages meaningful conversations, and sharing your own feelings honestly and respectfully can bring you closer. By being intentional in how you communicate, you create a safe space for both of you to share openly and sincerely.
4. Face disagreements openly and with positive language
When conflicts come up in a relationship, it’s tempting to just avoid the issue, especially if you’re not comfortable with confrontation. But you have to take a step back and realize that it’s not just about your own comfort zone. It’s about what your relationship needs to be healthy and strong in the long run.
Instead of dodging conflict, view it as a chance to grow and understand each other. When disagreements come up, express your feelings openly and respectfully, using “I” statements to share your perspective without blaming others. For instance, say “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…” This approach encourages a more productive conversation. Use a positive tone to encourage resolution and focus on finding solutions, rather than getting stuck on problems. Listen to your partner’s feelings and look for common ground, reminding them that you’re a team tackling challenges together.
5. Give each other some space
Everyone has their moments of unreasonable mood swings. We all have days when things just don’t go right. Giving your partner space to save face and not taking things personally when they’re upset, cranky, or having a bad day is a gift worth its weight in gold. Even if you’re right and they’re wrong, when emotions are running high, pushing them to lose face can really hurt their heart and ego.
Just do your best to honor their dignity whenever possible. Give them some space, allow the emotions to calm down, and then gently have a rational conversation using the positive communication techniques we talked about earlier.
6. Seek, support, and accept personal growth in each other’s lives
For a relationship to succeed, you need to welcome personal growth with open arms and all the changes that come with it. As you and your partner grow, it’s essential to support each other’s goals and aspirations. Recognize and celebrate every milestone, no matter how big or small, and create a safe space to share dreams and challenges. By supporting your partner’s growth, you’ll build a sense of teamwork and partnership, strengthening your bond.
Also, be open to the changes that come with personal growth, knowing that growth can shift dynamics but also bring a deeper connection and understanding. By supporting each other’s paths, you can build a stronger bond and more empathy. When you prioritize personal growth, you’re not only enriching your own life but also strengthening the relationship, creating a supportive environment where both of you can flourish together.
7. Let love be a daily practice
Love isn’t just a feeling. It is a practice—a daily effort to be honest, present, communicate, accept, forgive, and show genuine patience. It’s a beautiful action that we can work on every day. Small gestures like thanking each other, giving kind compliments, or just checking in can really strengthen your bond. Try to make spending quality time a regular part of your routines, even if it’s just simple moments like cooking together or taking a walk.
Stay open and listen closely to each other’s thoughts and feelings. Show affection regularly, whether it’s with kind words or gentle touches, to keep your bond strong. By making love a daily part of your life, you create a warm and loving space where your relationship can grow, stay strong, and feel truly meaningful.
As you think about these tips for building lasting love, keep in mind that every relationship is one-of-a-kind. Be open to learning from both the good times and the tough ones, and be willing to grow and adapt. Put these practices into your daily routine to create a stronger bond with your partner. Whether it’s through thoughtful communication, mutual understanding, or just letting love grow every day, your efforts can lead to a more rewarding relationship. If you want to dive deeper into this subject, I recommend reading this book on Amazon. Let’s motivate each other to build loving, resilient partnerships that last. Start today—your path to lasting love begins now!
If you enjoyed reading this article, you might also like to check out: ‘My husband Changed His Phone Password. Should I Be Worried?‘